As you may know I worked in various bars and nightclubs in Magaluf and Ibiza in the 1990s. I often had to listen to your average tourist-man complaining about not getting any tanned bikini booty. They tell me:

"How come all those stupid men who can barely put a sentence together get so lucky with the ladies?"

These boys with University degrees and good jobs can't seem to understand why they don't get lucky with the ladies.

But I do! Here's 5 reasons why stupid and insensitive men like myself bring tanned bikini booty back home:

1. We treat rejections like a friend.
Fear of rejection ruins it for many men. From my time as a bartender in Magaluf I became painfully aware of the fact that the men who went home to their hotels with a woman were the same men that got laughed at, ridiculed and sometimes slapped in the face by other females they approached. When that sexy woman with the huge cleavage ridicule them in front of her friends, we just grin and move on.

2. It's a numbers game.
Many have so low self esteem and think there is no point starting to approach girls because no one would want to go all the way with you. Stupid and insensitive men choose their spot and go for it. Trust me, at 4 AM in the morning in a sweaty foam party the odds are on your side. Go try your moves on 20 girls and if you do not get a 5% success rate hit me up and I'll buy you a beer.

3. Just behave like a monkey!
In a sweaty nightclub is not about the art of conversation. It is about eyes meeting eyes, an ass cheek bumping towards another ass cheek. It's the language of the dance floor. Go out there, smile, laugh, wink and bump your way into the girls.

4. Keeping it simple
When the initial point of contact is made and you have been dancing at the same spot, with the same girl for more than a few minutes is time to finish her off. Too many times I have seen an eager boy starting to feel his girl up and down. She thinks that is too much of a good thing too early and gets repulsed. The educated and eager man fails. Instead: Touch her gently here and there to tease her and to advertise for what is going to happen next IF she decides to bring you along to her hotel, but do not start to grab her boobs and other private parts in public! Even a stupid and insensitive man understands this. 90% of girls dislike doing such acts on the dance floor. Save it for later you horny alligater (had to spell alligator wrong to make it rhyme).

5. I always lower my standards.
You do not even wanna know how low I can go. I say it to you: Do not aim for top of the class champagne girls. Sometimes that ugly fat one in the corner can be just the thing you need. Pick up the wallflowers, they can give you a beautiful time.

To conclude: Get stupid to get women.